The Catholic Working Mom’s Daily Rhythms
I have a confession to make. I am a planner addict. Since I received my first academic planner in school, I have gone down many rabbit holes where I start a new, crisp planner with tons of intentions about what I’m going to do and how I’m going to do it. I spend hours putting in dates and meetings and templates and goals. Habit trackers. Mood pages. Monthly spreads. Daily spreads. Weekly pages. Themes. Pens. Stickers. Post-It’s. Spiral books. Moleskines. Leuchtturm1917’s. Carrying it in my work bag. Leaving it at home. Taking it with me to the park.
Is this you, too? Maybe?
I wish I could say I’ve been better and less frazzled. I’ve let go much of my anxiety-driven planning habits, but not all. Life kind of kicked me in the butt a few times to make planners too much for me to handle anymore. Do I still keep a planner? Yes. But in a very intentional way.
Introducing the Daily Rhythm.
Rhythms are not something you put on paper as much as a routine that is lived day-in and day-out, stripped down to the most foundational needs that your body, mind, and soul require.
If you are juggling a home, a marriage, a career, children, caregiving, personal development, professional development, education, and everything else that comes with being a superwoman….then having a Rhythm rather than a Plan is what you may need.
The Catholic Church, specifically the Liturgical Year, gives us a great example of how rhythms can gently shape our lives. For centuries, Catholics relied on the liturgical seasons and regular rhythms to guide their lives. Harvests were intertwined with feast days. The Liturgy of the Hours marked daily cycles of work and rest. Families gathered at high feast days and maintained regular attendance to mass. Days were marked by major tasks, and nights were marked by rest and quiet. As on day ended, another started. Hence, the Rhythm of Life.
Today’s competing obligations, interests, and demands have greatly shaped our rhythms. Many might say for the worse, some might say for the better. When was the last time you went to a daily mass? Prayed a rosary? Settled down with your phone? Spoke to a friend face-to-face?
It’s hard. But we can salvage what we thought we have lost by taking advantage of the natural rhythms already at play in our lives.
I don’t try to do every good thing every day anymore. But I do try to give each day its own purpose.
Table of Contents
- Why We Need Rhythms Instead of Balance
- Rhythms Start with Non-Negotiables
- The Daily Anchors for Working Moms
- Give Every Day or Every Week a Theme
- Creating Daily Prayer Without Adding Another Task
- Common Obstacles Working Moms Face Every Day
Why We Need Rhythms Instead of Balance
In what felt like another life, years ago, I was worried about what work-life balance was going to be like for me. It was a phrase that kept coming up with other phrases like Mom Guilt and Work Ceiling.
I understood that even the phrase “work-life balance” was problematic. Nothing can ever be perfectly balanced in life. Things happen, plans change, and what we hope for doesn’t always work out. We aren’t meant to live life alone, perfectly curating every single decision for ourselves, our spouse, our children, and our families. Sometimes life demands more attention to family than it does to a project, or vice versa. Sometimes we must allow other people to support with the children, with errands, with a deadline, or even for yourself.
There’s no such thing as balance. But there is such a thing as community and flexibility.
Having a rhythm of life can provide more stability than any planner page can give you.
Daily Rhythms vs. Rule of LIfe
You may have heard of St. Benedict’s Rule of Life, a totem of daily habits that he encouraged his monastic brothers to follow. In fact, all monasteries (old and new) are rooted in their own Rule. What all monasteries have in common is their emphasis on daily rhythms: a time for work, a time for prayer, a time for play, a time for rest. These habits are rooted in a mindset that shapes daily decisions, rather than relying on a set of laws or expectations – either given or self-imposed. This Rule becomes a value system as much as it is a reminder of how even the smallest act can be dedicated to the glory of God.
We can take the same mindset and apply it to our daily lives, freeing us from what seems like structured chaos and allowing ourselves to be present in each moment.
There’s a saying…if you want to know what is important to somebody, look at what’s on their calendar. What’s on yours? Does it reflect what you truly want and need in life?
Each day won’t be perfect, but it can flow perfectly into the next as long as you keep what matters most at the core of your life.
~espi
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Rhythms Start With Your Non-Negotiables
I used to lead my days by appointments and meetings first. After all, I had to attend to those things without question. Everything else had to fit in around it.
Then I started to realize….It was becoming too easy. and too common for me to say No, or Not Right Now, to things that in hindsight should have mattered more: family dinners, children’s events, an errand with my husband, a full night’s sleep.
Granted, there will always be sacrifices to be made. Sometimes you just can’t be in two places at once. And sometimes, your responsibilities will conflict. That doesn’t mean you should take them on. This is real life we are talking about.
Below are my Priority Rhythms, in priority order, to ensure my priorities remain the priorities.
Notice what is * not * on the list. Laundry. Cleaning. Groceries. Household Maintenance. Doctor’s Appointments.
Why?
Domestic chores, procuring food, going to appointments, and fixing a faucet are not choices. They are requirements for basic survival. Each of us, men and women, must do them regardless if we are a jet setter or a homemaker. We may choose to do them ourselves or contract outside help, but they must be done regardless.
These tasks are not, and were never meant, to mark days with significant meaning. We each do them because needs must. However, they * can * provide opportunities to build community, develop skills, and attend to basic needs. In the era of Instacart, I still prefer to go to the markets myself. There’s something beautiful about knowing the people behind the counter.
The rhythms above can fit themselves around these otherwise mundane and ordinary tasks – or as I prefer to see it – have the ordinary tasks infuse or fit around the rhythms themselves.
The Daily Anchors for Working Moms
As people of the world, we may not have dedicated schedules for each component as our monastic companions do. However, we can bucket our days and weeks into our own rhythmic flows.
Each of us live a different life, so yours may look very different than mine. Below is an example of a regular ordinary weekday.
Give Every Day or Every Week a Theme
There are daily routines and then there are seasonal ones. Not everything happens all the time, and we tend to forget that very important aspect.
How freeing is it to know that there’s a time and place for most things, and they can be worried about when that time comes?
With technology, it seems everything is always urgent, important, and just as significant as everything else. That’s not the case. This is where flexibility comes in.
On any given week, you may have more time on certain days than others. Take advantage of those moments to reserve time to address what you have to.
I grew up in a culture where every Saturday morning (and during the week) the women were tasked with hours and hours of cleaning. Now, I do one or two maintenance tasks every night, for no more than 15-30 minutes, usually while I’m doing something else. Not everyone is a multi-tasker, but task stacking is the way I function best. Plus, my husband and now growing kids are a huge part of those jobs!
More importantly, there are a few times of the month that hold more weight than others. For example, I may select a novena for the month and focus on those intentions for those nine days. We typically observe Friday fast, Ember Days, and other days of abstinence. Larger seasons of Lent and Advent provide even more inspiration while we go about our regular lives.
Allow the larger themes to infuse your daily rhythms, and you will see that even the most ordinary tasks can hold a greater purpose in your life.
~ espi
Creating Daily Prayer Without Adding Another Task
You may also be wondering how you can infuse prayer into more of your day. Though I wrote more in depth about it on this post about How to Live Liturgically while Working Full-Time, the graphic below shows an example of how prayer can easily fit in to your busiest day.
Common Obstacles Working Moms Face Every Day
“I work too much.”
This is otherwise known as Mom Guilt, which I believe has always existed but has become more exacerbated by the echo chambers we are constantly looped into. Who are these people that get to decide what is the correct amount of time and correct way to raise your children or build your marriage?
Not you.
Enough said.
You may be inundated with homemaker videos or tradwife content, but as someone who has been dabbling in the content creator space for a while – it’s not true. You may know that in your mind but not feel it in your heart because of what you see. It’s not real life. And if it is, there’s things you don’t know in the life you see that you may not wish to experience yourself.
Here’s another visual for you. Generations of women working in the fields, in the kitchens, going into service, crafting long hours, depending on the elders or cousins or older children to mind the younger children. This is my heritage. Old world, regular women who worked because they had to, and eventually worked because they wanted to, because not everything of value lived in one bubble.
Life was still lived. It can be rich and full of faith and meaning if you allow it.
“My kids have sports / music / clubs / insert-activity-here.”
The more children you have the more you know you can’t clone yourself. The era of helicopter parenting has created a generation of exhausted parents who end up depressed and full of anxiety – which in turn leads to a spouse of children experiencing the same.
Where it used to be work to get kids to stay in the house, it is now an ongoing battle to get kids out of the house. I always say that a child’s addiction to phones and devices is just as much the doing of the parent as it is the child’s. This also means parents can do something about it, but this can easily turn into overcompensating behavior.
In an effort to battle the screen or to fill up time, many children find themselves with full days of school accompanied by full evenings of activities, and that’s not including the weekends.
Pause a moment with me and think about this: if we are consistently filling up our child’s schedules with a multitude of things to do, will they know how to handle themselves when they don’t?
We have a philosophy in our home where each child gets to do one sport, one main hobby, and whatever is easily accessible and open to individual choice at home. This eventually turned into three highly developing soccer players who either love to draw or build, and know better than to say they are bored (and when they do, they know what Mom or Dad are going to say).
“I’m exhausted.”
See Above.
“I missed three days.”
We all do. Things happen. It’s ok.
Part of being a responsible person is handling fires when they come up, and taking the time to successfuly put them out. This sometimes mean you don’t get to do exactly what was on your to-do list. It’s fine. Really.
The beautiful thing about the next day is that it is actually the next day. You get to start again. You get to start fresh. Approach each day with hope and faith and you will more likely than not attain your goals.
I learned that a major part of this is also Learning How to Say No with grace and love. That’s for another post.
Let Your Rhythms Shape Your Days
Rhythms are meant to create peace and help maintain our priorities. They are not another standard, or aesthetic, or trend.
They help organize our ordinary lives into ones full of mindful habits and meaningful choices.
While modern working women and mothers still carry a far greater Mental Load than their counterparts, we can utilize our superpowers to enrich not just our homes but also our souls. Let’s be intentional about it!
